thatgirlnikita

Kristen Johnson is a friend of mine from school. Online you may know her as “Trashy Whore with the Whore Mouth” but I always wonder why she called herself that. She’s the last thing from. If you are interested or know someone interested in guestblogging. Email me at thatgirlnikita@gmail.com.

I remember in my eighth grade social studies class, a boy asked why girls wore make up. The teacher then asked, “Well girls, do you have an answer?” I don’t remember my exact answer, but I do remember wanting to say “Underneath our make up, we are green and scaly.” Just to pay a little tribute to my obsession at the time, Bridget Jones’ Diary.

If I was the way I remember myself being, it was a smart ass answer. If I even did answer. I just remember being frustrated with that boy, wondering why he thought it necessary to mock a ritual girls have been practicing for thousands of years. For thousands of years, girls have worn make up. Men also used to have the pleasure of wearing it as well, but now men just criticize women for wearing it, saying that women look so much better without it on.

Of course they say that. What woman doesn’t want to hear that she doesn’t need make up to catch a man’s eye?

But let’s be honest for a second. Those same men that boast of their preference for a natural face probably would not give a second look to that face if it were not attractive.

This is not about attracting men though. This is my defense for an art form.

I am not a drawer, nor a painter, nor an artist of any kind. I can not draw a straight line, and my stick figures are an abomination. But give me a make up brush, and I can turn it into a magic wand.

I have always had a love for drawing on my body. Always. My mother and various teachers did not like this habit, but I would not stop. So of course I was naturally drawn to make up when I became of age.

Many people say that women put on make up to impress men. I find this to not be the case for many women. Especially not me. If anything, women put on make up to impress other women. It’s a way to show other women how skilled (or unskilled) you are with your tools.

I do think I am quite skilled, but I know there are women around me who I could never compete with. Some girls without make up look nothing like their made up selves. It’s impressive and frightening. Almost as if they are pretending to be another person. I don’t take it that far. I’m not in theater, I don’t need to convince the world I’m another person.

What I do with my tools is make a better version of me.

I have come to terms with my face. It has taken almost 19 years, but I do not let my flaws bother me like they used to. Growing up, I found a new thing to be self concious about, as I’m sure many of my peers did as well. My ears are not the same shape, my eyebrows are tamed from their original unibrow formation (thanks Dad), my lips were to big, and then they were to small, and I still find my nose offensive.

But since I HAVE come to terms with the fact that I will be looking at this face for sometime, that I just have to do something about it. And that’s where the art begins.

It starts of simply. I dot red spots on my face with a concealer to diminish their appearance. The color is a shade or so lighter than my skin. To use anything darker would to be drawing attention to them. I then take a foundation a shade darker than my skin, to even out skin tone and to hide what concealer did not blend in. To use a lighter foundation would wash me out(and I am quite pale enough as it is.) Depending on how much coverage I need, I’ll use a powder foundation to create a more even and flawless surface.

Then it starts to get more complicated. A tough choice comes up. Do I emphasize my eyes or my lips? Can’t do both, that’s overkill and shows a lack of editing skills and a proper eye. For me specifically, to emphasize my lips would not be in my favor. It would just bring attentions to features about myself that I don’t like. So I always choose eyes. Besides, choosing lips over eyes says “I’m really only interested in things to do with my mouth” while emphasizing the eyes says “I’m deep and interesting, let’s talk.”

So then it’s another tough choice. Eye liner? Eye shadow? Sometimes I opt for neither and stick with mascara. Nothing says “I’m awake and ready to be here” when you’re going to an 8am class like eye brightening mascara.

Lately I’ve been experimenting with liner. In high school, I wore it on my bottom lid only (earning me some interesting comments on my heritage, like “are you Middle Eastern?”). It does make me look rather foreign. But now I put it on the top lid, which makes me look like every other girl with eye liner.

And I’m not about to start trying to make myself look like everyone else.

So I make myself look like Cleopatra, I’ll add a fish tail to the end, I’ll make it thicker, I’ll make it thinner, I’ll do top and bottom, I’ll start from the center. Anything that will make my eyes pop without the risk of looking like everyone else.

And then finally, some blush. A little blush to make it all natural. I have naturally rosy cheeks, but after the make up is on, they fade away. Nothing makes a girl look more happy and natural than the application of the right amount of blush. After all of this, my canvas is full. It’s finally ready to be on display.

I look in the mirror a lot and wish I could change so many things. So I do. And I might as well. I’ll be looking in a mirror the rest of my life. I want to be happy with what I see. And I can be, if people will just let me use my makeup in peace. My friends often say I don’t need it, and I wish they wouldn’t. It’s not about needing it; it’s about wanting it. It’s about waking up after a rough night and wishing you could wear a mask or a paper bag outside. It’s about covering that pimple that comes up on picture day. It’s about being fresh faced one day, and blue eye shadowed the next. It’s about finding that one solid product that gives you all the confidence you’ll ever need for that job interview. And sometimes, on a very rare occasion, it’s about putting it all on in the perfect way to catch the eye from someone across the room, and making him unable to look away.

So don’t try to take my make up away from me. You wouldn’t take a paint brush from da Vinci, would you?

Five More Days of Summer! :(

It’s psyching me out just thinking about it. Today I met with my new roommate Lauren and planned out all the room necessities and layout and what to buy and all.

To do something fun to get ready. Last night while doing a months worth of laundry, I wrote out a few pages of outfits. So the chances of me standing in front of my closet at a loss won’t be so often, if only for a few months before the daily sweatshirts come out.

I always plan to “be cute” but then get too stressed out and apparel doesn’t just drop down a few notches, but falls entirely falls off the priority list.

Anyhow. I looked up what College Fashion put as the outfit for Gemini’s. To my suprise, I own both a yellow shirt, and a cotton a line skirt and feel like wearing this outfit.

I’m been lazy with the blogging these past few days. Blame it on the realization that there isn’t much left of summer. I miss Athens, but I don’t know if I am ready to take on work and school, socializing, getting out of pajama’s every morning,  and walking at least ten minutes just to get breakfast.

To all of you who’ve wronged me
I am, I am a zombie

I painted for the first time all summer. The original plan included pulling out the art set as often as possible and honestly work on skill and product, but I guess my mind had other plans. With  real art, you can’t force it. Come what may, be it words, song, or fabric pattern. Today, paint made it’s summer debut.

Childhood was on my mind as myself and Anisha pulled out the drying paint set. But even the idealized childhood isn’t perfect. Even back in the day with clear blue skies, long dresses white clean white tights, and climbing trees instead of playing on Wii’s.

I made her faceless. Because you see her in her pretty red dress and assume so much about her without even consulting her face, her heart, personality.

Then again what does that matter. After all, she, you, I, we’re all zombies anyway, right?

Yes. Even after a year and a half of hearing my mostly conservative university, church, neighbors, and friends rant and rave about Obama bringing the world to an end, I’m still not ashamed that I half begged people to vote for him. Yeah he’s not perfect. But get this. He’s not have bad either.

Ended the spectre of permanent military bases in Iraq, got diplomatic access to Suu Kyi, put enough cash out there to help save many large employers, put in a timetable for Afghanistan, put in the credit card bill of rights, expanded loan programs for small businesses, put conditions on Pakistani aid that requires their help in the GWoT, gave nearly unfettered access to Cuba for Cuban-Americans, released further documentation that he promised he’d release as far as the office of the President is concerned, created more transparency in government, started putting up large amounts of government info on the web so as to extend transparency, increased funding for national parks, authorized the compiling of a report on Mandatory Minimum Sentencing with the aim of reform, added another space shuttle, worked on helping to encourage the private sector to help with space travel, tons of positive steps regarding the ISS, funded an expansion of Americorps, overturned Ledbetter vs. Goodyear, put an actual native in place as an adviser on Native American relations, banned all lobbyist gifts to anyone in the Executive branch, set up a program to weatherize 1M homes, increased funding for the EPA, extended Unemployment Insurance and suspended taxes on benefits, and, perhaps most importantly, got his daughters a puppy.

Hey, that’s not so bad after all is it.

Let me tell you why I like this kid. Get it, Kid, Kid Cudi. I like him because he gets it. Or least, it feels like it when you listen to his music.  Click the text to hear the entire song.

I’ll be up up and away
Up up and away
Cause they gon’ judge me anyway so whatever
I’ll be up up and away
Up up and away
Cause in the end they’ll judge me any so whatever

The end is never the end.
A new challenge awaits.
A test no man could be prepared for.
A new hell he must conquer and destroy.
A new level of growth he must confront himself.
The machine in the ghost within.
This is the journey of the man on the moon.

Ive got some issues that nobody can see
And all of these emotions are pouring out of me
I bring them to the light for you
It’s only right
This is the soundtrack to my life, the soundtrack to my life

Day and night
I toss and turn, I keep stressing my mind, mind
I look for peace but see I don’t attain
What I need for keeps this silly game we play .. play
Now look at this
Madness to magnet keeps attracting me, me
I try to run but see I’m not that fast
I think I’m first but surely finish last .. last

Hello Nikita, how are you feeling today?

Angry. Very Angry. And instead of taking it out on the person who deserves it, I’ll take it out on this goddamned country.

A time comes in your life when you finally get it…when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out…ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying and blaming and struggling to hold on.

Then, like a child quieting down after a tantrum, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening.

You realize it’s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to magically appear over the next horizon. You realize that in the real world there aren’t always fairy tale endings, and that any guarantee of “happily ever after” must begin with you… and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are… and that’s OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions.

You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself… and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval. You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you – or didn’t do for you – and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.

You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that everything isn’t always about you.

So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself… and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties… and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.

You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with.

You learn that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a “consumer” looking for your next fix.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don’t know everything, it’s not your job to save the world and that you can’t teach a pig to sing. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You learn that alone does not mean lonely.

You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs.

You learn that your body really is your temple. You begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drink more water, and take more time to exercise.

You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you believe you deserve, and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen.

More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone, and that it’s OK to risk asking for help.

You learn the only thing you must truly fear is fear itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms.

You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.

You learn that life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people… and you learn not to always take it personally.

You learn that nobody’s punishing you and everything isn’t always somebody’s fault. It’s just life happening. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.

You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Then, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than your heart’s desire.

You make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind.

Finally, with courage in your heart, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best you can.

Palindromes are words or sentences that read the same backward or forward.

1. Go hang a salami. I’m a lasagna hog.

2. Do geese see God?

3. Was it Eliot’s toilet I saw?

4. Are we not drawn onward, we few, drawn onward to new era?

5. A nut for a jar of tuna.

6. Dennis and Edna sinned.

7. Oozy rat in a sanitary zoo

8. A man, a plan, a canal: Panama!

9. Ana, nab a banana.

10. Borrow or rob?

11. Vanna, wanna V?

12. We panic in a pew.

13. Never odd or even.

14. Madam in Eden, I’m Adam.

15. Murder for a jar of red rum.

I found this story at http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1RhI53/www.math.psu.edu/tseng/H2Ojoke.html and thought I would share it.

A student at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater Idaho Falls Science Fair, April 26. He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to alarmists practicing junk science and spreading fear of everything in our environment. In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the chemical “dihydrogen monoxide.”

And for plenty of good reasons, since:

1. it can cause excessive sweating and vomiting
2. it is a major component in acid rain
3. it can cause severe burns in its gaseous state
4. accidental inhalation can kill you
5. it contributes to erosion
6. it decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes
7. it has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients

He asked 50 people if they supported a ban of the chemical.

• Forty-three (43) said yes,
• six (6) were undecided,
• and only one (1) knew that the chemical was water.

The title of his prize winning project was, “How Gullible Are We?”

He feels the conclusion is obvious.

Yesterday was a beautiful day.

Why?

It finally hit me how much life in Atlanta has changed over the course of three years. How much I’ve changed. How much our family has changed. How much my relationship with my cousins has changed. How much time has passed. And how much more hom-ey this place has become.

Yesterday afternoon myself, my mom, my aunt, and my cousins Nitisha and Anisha recalled stories from three years ago when I first moved here on my own. It was a time of laughing and crying, accusations and apologies, and a whole lot more explanation.

But it was so beautiful, so satisfying, and so necessary. To finally talk about it in a positive light for the first time. That was something new…

It made me think about ends and means. Do ends justify means? Was this relatively happy ending justify three years of agony (okay, maybe that’s an overstatement but there were times  when it really was just that.)

Or was giving up three years of what are supposed to be the best years of your life too high a cost?

In a parallel circumstance, some people only make it to the top by stepping over other well deserving people, but justify it by being good people when it’s all said and done.

In that case, no ends justify the means in my book. But I want to know if it’s the same answer for my situation. Then again, was I the only one hurt? Maybe I’m just too sensitive, and the whole ordeal was sacrificial?

Nahh, now I’m just getting a big head.

But I do wonder these things.

On to lighter topics, we also watched the Spain Holland game. And my oh my, those Spaniards are one attractive bunch. This kids got the lightest blue eyes I have ever seen. It was so incredibly mesmerizing.

Today I helped host  a party for two men getting married. When retelling this to a friend, I didn’t realize it sounded like they were (are?)  gay. Just two friends getting married around the same time, to two lovely women who aren’t attending the party. I wonder if any one at said function wondered when the malayalam church celebrated the joining together  of men in holy matrimony.

Please Tell Me You Get It.

It’s not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn’t have the balls to do it.

A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired.

Never invest in funerals, it’s a dying industry.

I decide which beer to drink on a case by case basis.

I used to be a tailor, but found the work to be just so-so.

Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted.

What did the toy store sign say? Don’t feed the animals. They are already stuffed.

I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn’t concentrate.

Close friends of my family Emily and Vinny have one of the most precious little girl I have ever seen. I see them around five times a week, or so it feels this summer. But I’m not complaining. This angel is just so lovable, and loves me too. She apparently asks for me not just while awake, but once or twice in her sleep too.

She’s got the cutest smile, and though she’s often laughing, I never seem to capture it.

:)